How to Dress like a Melbournian

melbourne-street-style

How to Dress like a Melbournian

Street Style in Melbourne – It’s back to black

They say Melbournian style is all about looking as though you ran through a charity shop wearing velcro and came out the other end giving zero fucks. And by they, I mean – me.

You know those days when you’ve gone to bed with your make-up still on and your hair tied up cause you’re a lazy piece of shit? Only to awaken with a dewy, smudged, smoking hot look and meticulous boho hair? No? Me neither. Which is why, although Melbournian style is beautiful in it’s simplicity, it’s pretty tricky to master. Think no make-up make-up. (I don’t even know what means) Think a diet of green juice, a regulated daily dose of Vitamin D and a high disposable income. Still not with me? Think Body art. Delicate Jewellery. Top knots. And always, always, ALWAYS an assortment of Black. It’s like you turned 18 and thought – fuck this shit – but you’re also a massive hipster so you bought a tote bag with a political message and stuck to the right side of the law.

I have to give it to Melbournians. They’re freaking beautiful. And like srsly black in 40 degree heat? It’s like their clothing are solar panels. Storing up the sun’s energy in the hot weather to warm their bones as soon as the temperature drops to 20. Which it does in the space of a few hours. The weather man *rolls eyes* SO premenstrual. Am I riiight?

And Melbournians savour their unique pieces. They opt for independent or Australian brands over large chains. It’s no wonder charity shops in Australia are called opportunity shops – Op Shops. You’re not a charity man, you’re an opportun-ity.

And oh BOY! So many opportunities to buy things you didn’t even know you needed. A cashmere cardigan with embellished buttons? HELLA YES. A sequin jumper? HOW DO I GET YOU ALONE. A see-through lilac blouse? I’LL NEVER LOOK BACK. The opportunities are endless and who CARES that it’s an average of 35 degrees outside. How can you think about such practicalities when faced with an opportunity of a lifetime. I like to think it was around this time that Duran2 and I started to say ‘Oh Honey YES’ to each other – a LOT.

Before Duran2 and I left for our east coast road trip – we bought everything we needed from op-shops. I bought a variety of old lady jumpers including my Sequin Jumper which I had to (haha HAD to) carry in my stuffed backpack across the Phillipines because I couldn’t bear to part with it. I recently let my friend wear it out and it ‘went missing’. Here, we commenced a full blown search party which eventually ended in it’s appearance stashed behind my washing machine. 2 hours later, I still had to chase after her as she left my house wearing it. Er come BACK here young lady.

sequin jumper, melbourne style, charity shop, jumper, styleblogger

THE sequin jumper. You can look but you can’t touch.

This week on Pinterest #4

I think it’s safe to assume I have a thing for stripes. Because of which – I have spent a lot of time looking at oliveclothing.com this week. I suggest you do too.

style blog, pinterest, style, skater style

A Guide to Longboarding

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Oh look at me, I’m so fancy on my longboard. Gosh aren’t I just the coolest. Says my internal monologue – Never.

It’s the same when people talk about surfing. Yeah in my mind I look the real deal but in reality, you look less like beach babezzz and more like a wet animal stuffed into a sausage casing. Sometimes I get into conversations with people who are like ‘oh you can longboard’ and I’ll skirt around the subject like ‘sorry what was that? I’m sort of deaf in my right and left ear’. Or if I’m on a date with them this is usually my cue to dive in for the pash to avoid having to really answer that at all.

You see, I have mastered longboarding. I have mastered it in that I can get from A to B – without falling off. And sometimes not even that.

I’ll break this down for you – I can get from A to B if the roads between A and B have none of the following:

1) Large gaps between pavement slabs

2) Pedestrians

3) Twigs

4) Pebbles

5) Deceivingly slippy leaves

6) Mid-Strong winds

7) Yappy animals

8) Free Samples of any description

and finally if it hasn’t precipitated in the space of about 6-8 hours.

Not taking into consideration the small trips, slips or stumbles whilst on my longboard, I have probably only ever fallen off properly 3 times. I did also accidentally skate into the sea once. In february. In England. Which is kind of difficult to explain but if you’re wondering, yes Longboards would float if it weren’t for those metal trucks and wheels. One of those 3 times doesn’t count because a car drove into me on the pavement which actually sounds much more impressive than it was – they were going at about 5mph entering a car park. The other times I skated square into a bollard and gave myself whiplash. The bad kind of whiplash that actually hurts as opposed to the ‘other’ dumb kind when people call their insurance company and claim an inane amount of someone else’s money. The final time, I was just minding my own business and some inanimate object threw itself in-front of me like, I don’t know some sort of suffragette. One minute I’m skating along, the next I find myself dry humping the pavement.

Now although none of those times have contributed to my scarface, it’s probably the emotional shame of falling off in-front of an audience each time that has caused me to be extra cautious. Particularly shameful was the accidental sea moment in-front of 3 old helpless grannies.

On a recent trip to Wales I brought said longboard and attempted to “teach” some good friends exactly how to. By which, I set it down on the floor and was like – go on then. I don’t know if that’s because that’s all there really is to it or because I know very very little about actually skating. For arguments sake we’ll go with the former. Joe my main man bro had a go after and skated off ahead of us. As he started to pick up speed going down a hill, much to our amusement all we saw from between two cars were his two gangly arms throw themselves into the air and then he was gone. And so was my longboard. After about 3 minutes of searching high and low for it, he looked at me shrugging his shoulders with his big green eyes and was like ‘well I guess that’s that’. To which I responded with my older sister look that said something along the lines of – you better find it quick before I ring your little ear boy.

So if like me you’d rather stick to A to B skating, here are a few tricks from the ‘how to’ compiled by yours truly, of which you can aspire to:

The R Kelly – I believe I can fly

 

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The Fake Flamingo – in that you are in-fact standing on two legs, but people believe it’s just one.

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The Black coffee – this is where without warning you squat down in something appropriately called the ‘poo stance’. Alternate the balancing hand for the more experienced A to B skaters. Weird face optional.

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The pre-ollie – this is probably the most complex move in A – B skating and probably requires the most gusto in that you need to look like you’re about to do something really awesome but have gathered enough speed that people just assume you were going to fast for them to see it.
SKATE2


you’re welcome.